|GRAND THEFT WHINER
Comic Updated September 05, 2008
Ah, that's more like it! The second exciting
installment of "Sights for Sore Isotopes" is considerably more-exciting than
the first. If we can keep up this trend of escalating excitement, the final
strip will cause instant cardiac arrest upon viewing! Teenagers will be lining
up for the opportunity!
Many teenagers are not particularly
I know why you logged onto the internet this morning
-- you were hoping against hope that you'd get to hear some guy complaining
about a months-old video game. Today, my friends, the internet does not
Grand Theft Auto 4. I'm not the biggest GTA fan
out there, but that's mainly because I don't have the time to be. I love
me some GTA series. I love the leaps -- the LEAPS, do you hear that,
Halo series? -- that the franchise made between each iteration. Where Master
Chief and company got another gun and a new car, the GTA team was putting
together gargantuan land-masses, new styles of play, and diversions enough
to wreak serious havoc on even the most solid relationships. There has been
enough effort put into these games that it would be nigh-unthinkable for
anyone to step forward and actually complain about 'em, much less a confirmed
So, this is kind of an achievement. Jump back,
I'm not gonna go so far as to say that Grand Theft
Auto 4 was a step backwards from San Andreas, as a whole. In parts, however,
it totally was, and while I would defy anyone to find a better-looking
game on the 360, I, for one, felt the bitter whoosh of many dozens
of unfulfilled gameplay promises. I'm not gonna touch the story here, though
I've got issues with it, too -- this sort of ranting will probably go on
for a while, so we'll fit it all in soon enough.
For today, I'm going to restrict myself to the
initial disappointments -- elements revealed in preview screenshots and trailers
that, well, they led me on, your honor. Specifically, I'd like to point an
accusatory finger at the Videogeddon arcade, and the amusement park in Broker.
The whole danged amusement park.
Why do I accuse these innocuous little bits of
scenery? Because scenery is all they are! I was THOROUGHLY disappointed,
given the level of detail and interactivity that Rockstar North had promised,
to discover that these were completely static elements in the game. There
was no coaster-ridin', nor spookhouse-ridin', nor mini-golf, and the video
arcade... In the game, that thing is lit up like the fourth of July, but
it's a ghost light, my friends, and it leads you to nothing -- you get to
it, you walk at the doors, and you bounce off.
Oh, no, there IS an in-game video game you
CAN play-- and it's freaking "Tetris." After "Go Go Space Monkey" and the
other four choices in San Andreas, to say nothing of the totally-operating
carnival in Rockstar's "Bully," with the brilliant "Consumo" game, and it's
hard to argue that Rockstar North didn't drop the ball when it comes to the
More complaints later, as I'm outta time. You
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